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Funny Bone Room

Wedding at The Villages -->Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, living in The Villages, were are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about suppositories and medicine for impotence?"

Pharmacist: "You bet!" Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely." Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

Pharmacist: "We sure do." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "Adult diapers?"

Pharmacist: "Sure, how can I help you? Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.


SWIM MEET -->In the swim meet, after the blonde came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that all the other girls were using their arms.

BLONDE ON TIME -->A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named “Rolex” and one was named “Timex”. Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” “Helllooooo...! ,” answered the blonde. “They're watchdogs...”

CAR TROUBLE --> A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, “What's the story?” He replies, “Just crap in the carburetor.” She asks, “How often do I have to do that?”

SPEEDING TICKET -->
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her driver’s license... She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together! Just yesterday they took my license away and now today you expect me to show it to you?”

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE -->
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. “Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me.” The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, “You're not really a redhead, are you?” “Well, no,” she said, “I'm actually a blonde.” “I thought so,” the doctor said, “Your finger is broken.”

KNITTING --> A Highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway... Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, “PULL OVER!” “NO!” the blonde yelled back, “IT'S A SCARF!”

WALK WITH ME WHILE I AGE --> A BEAUTIFUL POEM ABOUT GROWING OLDER
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RATS... I forgot the words.

HUSBAND STORE -->A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs; She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids; 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking; 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework; 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak; She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.


WHOOPS --> A guy was in a bar about as drunk as it's possible to get. A group of guys notice his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home. First, they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down. He falls down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud. After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door. His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home." The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair"?


TRAFFIC REPORT --> "Highway to Hell" .......and a "Stairway to Heaven"​ ​.....Doesn't that make you wonder which way most of the traffic is headed ?​


WILL I LIVE TO SEE 85? --> Will I Live to see 85? (Here's something to think about.) I recently had to choose a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I am almost seventy). A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?' She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?' 'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?' 'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' 'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said. She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' I said......... She looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even care?
AIRPORT FULL BODY SCREENING REPORT --> Finally, some useful facts are coming out about all of those airport full body scans! TSA disclosed the following Airport Screening Results 2017 Statistics On Airport Full Body Screening:
  • Terrorists Discovered 0
  • Transvestites 133
  • Hernias 1,485
  • Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172
  • Enlarged Prostates 8,249
  • Breast Implants 59,350
  • Natural Blondes 3
It was also discovered that 308 politicians had no balls.